Thursday 21 April 2011

Patience

I used to think I was a pretty patient and focused person, knowing exactly where I want to go in life. Suddenly, the past few weeks have left me reeling, not knowing what I want, where I should be, and how I should feel. Its been a LONG time since I've felt this way - lost - and I'm not going to lie, its horrible. I feel restless, I can't sleep, and I can't relax. My impatience is driving me mad, I feel like I can't even take 5 mins and take deep breaths without stopping for some reason or another. I can't focus, I can't have fun and I have no where to channel these feelings meaning I am really suffering from cabin fever - of my life.

Gracious God, it’s so hard to wait. To wait for new things to happen in my life. To wait for you to answer my prayers. To wait for the open doors that may lead me into a new way of being. During the time of waiting, it seems that all I can think of is having what it is I am waiting for. At times I feel weary of asking and waiting, and I wonder if you really hear my prayers at all, if you are ignoring me, or if you are simply refusing to give me my heart’s desire. A part of me knows that you want my best, and that your time is not my time, but Lord, it is still so hard to wait. Deepen my trust, O Lord, during the times when my heart longs for what can only come in the fullness of time. Give me a calm assurance that your will for me is grander than anything I could ever imagine. Still my mind and heart in your love so that I am mindful of the grace you are draping around me every single day, every single moment. I ask this for the sake of your love. Amen.

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